Sunday, April 1, 2012

Slowly Back Away From the Crumbs

My mom has this annoying habit of wiping up any and all crumbs when she comes over. Its like she finds the ONLY crumbs I missed and starts obsessively wiping the entire counter space until all the crumb micro particles are gone. She also does this with the floor. She will even go so far as to get out my broom while we are visiting and start sweeping. What the Hell, Mom?

Now I am a pretty good housekeeper. This crumb catching that my mom is doing is seriously messing with my OCD and making me feel all sorts of inadequate. It is making me insane. It's to the point that if I don't sweep and wipe down the counters and vacuum before she comes over I start getting all twitchy and spazzy. It's like I need a Valium if the Dyson hasn't had a spin around the living room before her visits.

The worst part is that she is totally oblivious to the fact that a) she is doing it at b) that it makes me want to be all Heloise or I will totally lose my shit before the visit is over. You know what? I totally can't say ANYTHING about it either. Because she is my MOM, yo, and it will hurt her feelings.

So I will just have my beverage of choice at the ready and watch her clean the crumbs. I either have to drink or I will end up rocking in the corner, stroking my lover Dyson all the while chanting that the dust bunnies need the micro particle crumbs for dinner. See, I really have no choice, besides those little fluffy freeloaders never leave me a tip.

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