I broke yesterday. I made a quick stop at the grocery store and had Lizzard with me. I left her in the car with Bardolf and I ran in. In that time she managed to poop all over the inside of the car. I had to spend nearly four hours cleaning, shampooing and disinfecting every surface of the interior. It was awful.
That was my breaking point. I just sobbed. I cried for my cousin. I cried for my families loss. I cried because I was frustrated, tired and angry. I cried because I failed my children this week. I cried because of the unknown of Caspian's job. I just cried. Hard.
When I finished crying I felt cold, and drained. The rest of the day I just went through the motions. It was a busy day with swimming lessons for both kids plus conferences for Muirne. We got home late, then it was time to eat and get the kids ready for bed.
Caspian and I sat quietly, watching TV and talking about this and that on commercials. I let Lizzard out one more time, then we went to bed. Then, I slept. The first night in weeks that I have slept all night without dreams waking me.
Today we are taking our time. Muirne doesn't have school and we really don't have anywhere to be, other then visiting my grandma, and a quick trip to the store for some bread. This weekend I am taking my time to reset my family and focus on life in the moment. To remember those I love and know that those that have passed are not gone, but with us every day. To strengthen the bonds of family and never to forget to say I love you. That is what I plan to do this weekend, there is nothing I would rather do.
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