Sunday, December 4, 2011

But You Can Lick My Floors DAMMIT!

I like to clean. I like a clean environment, orderly, hygienic, borderline sanitary. I am what some would call OCD about certain aspects of my cleaning, not OCD like Monk or Melvin, but in the sense that I HAVE to vacuum all floors at least twice a day--sometimes 3 (or lets be honest there was an incident of 6 times of vacuuming in one day, in my defense I was caring for Loaner Baby and I had been sewing so I wanted to make sure there was nothing that could be eaten by the crawler she was). I also LOVE watching shows like Clean House and my all time fav How Clean Is Your House on the BBC (if you have not seen it OH. MY. GOD. Those Kim and Aggie are hilarious and the transformations--WHOA).

My need for cleanliness is surpassed and put to shame by my good friend Marie. Now before I go on, I have to state that I am totally jealous of the fact that not only is she a better housekeeper, but she lives in a fabulous neighborhood in a perfect house AND she is a single mom, oh and she cooks, REAL MEALS and her four year old eats them, I know, AMAZING. All of this contributes to my inferiority complex. Especially since I am very spoiled in the fact that I get to stay home all the time and therefore feel like I need to rise to the occasion and be Aud's BFF Martha Stewart (even though I don't like her hair).

Before I met her I was always the neatest, cleanest, OCD-est person (other then my mom) that I knew. I prided myself in the fact that my house was 10-30 minutes away from company ready at all times. That my laundry was always only a load away from complete and that my floors could be Swiffered and Hoovered to perfection in minutes. Since befriending her my efforts seem to be in vain.

The last time she came over I was vacuuming when she arrived. She asked when we got there if I was just vacuuming for them. I of couse said no, that I was just keeping up on the house and wanted to make sure that her little crawler didn't find anything and eat it. Truth be told, my house was still in recovery from the SGRT and I could not stand that she would be over and see my mess. She is not the judgemental type, and would never say anything about the state of my house, but I just can't stand the thought of her even thinking it.

Yesterday I spent much of the day cleaning out cabinets and re-organizing the bathrooms. A $250 grocery shopping trip sprung me into cleaning mode and I felt as if I could continue for days. My first thought when I was finished was how I hoped Marie would come visit today so she could see my house. WTH is wrong with me? That is just insane. First off, I should want her to visit so we can VISIT, not so I can show her my clean house. Secondly WHAT THE HELL is wrong with me that I need to show my unassuming, non-judgemental FRIEND that I can clean and reorganize???

I need help people. I mean I already have a Cleaning Chart for crying out loud. Comparing my cleanliness to my dear friend's is just sick and wrong. It's intervention time.

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