Monday, December 12, 2011

Taking My Privilege for Granted

Caspian said something to me the other day that really struck a chord. I know that he didn't really mean it the way I took it, but honestly it was something I really needed to hear. The other night Caspian called on his way home and said that a co-worker and her husband might come over after work. I complained that the house wasn't ready for company, that I hadn't done anything with myself and I needed at least an hour to be ready for them. I said that I didn't want them to see myself or the house in the state they were in, to which he teased,

"What makes you think I want to see you and the house that way?"

It stopped me dead in my tracks. I said goodbye and frantically pulled myself and the house together, all the while thinking what a failure I was.

Now before I get so 1950's that you unsubscribe and take me off your blog rolls (all five of you nutty supporters you) hear me out. Caspian works 12-14 hours a day 5-6 days a week. He gets up at 5am, makes his own lunch, leaves, picks up his boss and arrives at work before I have even thought about rising for the day. He works very hard so I can have the privilege (yes it is a privilege and I am so lucky his job affords us this luxury, I don't know how working mothers do it!) to be the homemaker and primary caregiver to our children.

The thanks I give him in return? At least 4 days out of every 7 he comes home to a house that is messy, laundry still washing or in the hamper, unmade beds and dinner barely started or not at all. On top of that a wife still in her sweats, no make-up and hair in a ponytail. If he did the same kind of craptastic job that I do he would not only NOT be up for promotion, but demoted or possibly fired. Wow...

Caspian would never in a million years say anything to me about how I run and keep the house and myself to be mean. Never. Though his comment was said in a passive way I know that he meant it. I am ashamed at how I have conducted myself. My JOB is to take care of the house and children, and I am failing miserably.

Today that changes. I have decided that starting today the house will be clean, laundry done, beds changed and made, and dinner on the table when he comes in. I too will be presentable, with a smile on my face and a joy in my heart that he is once again home with the family he loves and loves him in return. Tomorrow I will get up with him, make coffee and have a moment just the two of us before he starts his day at work.

This will not only be a benefit for him, but for me, for us as a family. It gives us time to connect in the morning before we start our days individually. I also will feel the benefits of time to myself to regroup and focus on the coming day. Time to shower. Alone. Without interruption. That in itself is worth the trouble.

Today I am taking my profession seriously. Earning my keep and being proud of the privilege I have been afforded. If that makes me a throwback to 1950 so be it. At least I know that I am working at least half as hard as Caspian.

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